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sometimes, u feel tt u're not good enough. for anything. no matter how easy it is.

sometimes, u feel tt u deserve the respect and u dont get it.

sometimes, u feel tt u're doing enough, but some others dont think so.

sometimes, u feel tt u're so lousy u feel lk hiding from the world for good.

sometimes, u feel tt good stuff never land in ur hands.

sometimes, u feel tt u're destined to be in the position where people neglects u most of the time.

sometimes, u feel tt u dont deserve the black face but u still got it anyway.

sometimes, u feel tt u can just stay in everyone else's shadow and hide there for good.

sometimes, u feel tt people treat u lk a piece of rag. they use u and dump u aside whenever they want to.




sometimes, u feel good.

sometimes, u feel bad.




and when u feel bad, u feel REALLY bad.



i mean, that's what i feel for today. i dont know why these thoughts came to me. i thought of what i've done thru my almost 18 years of life. it's only 20% of all my time i feel really really joyful.


i'm easily amused, but very easily hurt. it takes less energy to hurt me than to make me laugh.


e.g. make joyce laugh --> 10 calories
make joyce hurt --> 2 calories


the reasons behind the hurt may be totally nothing for some people, but these can affect me for the day. i dont know why.


u'll never know, i may be hurt by what u've said unintentionally. note the keyword: unintentionally. i know tt these words are spoken unintentionally, but i feel hurt and bear a grudge. i grab onto stuff too much. i should learn to let go.


i hurt people unintentionally too. if i did hurt u with my words (or my black face), i apologize. there're many people i need to apologize to. my family, Agapians, 2H01, G12. (do tell me if i left u out.) when i realise tt i've hurt people, i hold on to tt mistake too. i cant seem to forgive myself, i feel awkward when speaking to tt person.


sometimes i feel humble, sometimes i feel proud. i tell people to tell me my flaws, but when they do, i defend myself with whatever i can get my hands on. i dont know what's going on.



suddenly i feel i'm such a difficult person to deal with. ><



enough of emo. emo is bad. i shall not make myself feel worse. i mean, this post was supposed to be one which reflects on my 17+++ years! gah.




**25 more days to M18!~




God Bless 2H01 in our common tests! =)